Family Crazy to Family Calm 

Us...and Kids Communication Program!

Module 1:  Connections that Matter

Workbook

This course is for you, your _____, your _______ and your kids to build great ___________ skills.

Build these skills in the first ____ years of parenting and use them throughout the rest of your ______. 

F________

U________in our choices, opportunities and ___________________.

N_________good relationships.

Being married is a big,  fun _____________!

Let’s think about D.N.A. in the biological way. We are all made _________ with our own _______ personalities, and unique ___________.  

What does DNA  for this course mean?

The D = ________your Desires -think about the long game. 

The N= What __________ skills do you need?

The skills you will have to pick from will come from these modules:

1. Connections that Matter
2. Managing the emotional Me
3. Learning to listen
4. Speaking so that you can hear me - Like a _______ toy. 

5. Touch that Matters

Course 2 will have 3 modules to upgrade the above skills. 

1. Benefit of the doubt
2. Honor, protect equip
3. Turning Toward

The A = Apply each skill appropriately for the age and situation you are in. 

Connections

1. I__________
2. A__________
3. Low and b_______ connections

1. Influence is the ability and time to have a p______ and powerful i_______ on another person. 

1. Positive influence boosts brain g______, energy and b________.
2. P________ influence comes when we look to have a p________ impact on another.
3. When we use empathy to i_________ others. 

Examples of  Influencing a 3 year old, 13 year old and your spouse.

Learning and practicing to say ____ to each other:)

2. How does Attachment fit into this?

Attachment comes through 4 hormones. 

Us...and Kids Communications Program

Module 2 - Managing the Emotional Me

        Workbook

 Review:

Connections that Matter are built on positive i_________________and good a_________________.  These 2 together are like epoxy glue and makes a relationship be able to stand the t_______of time. 

Managing the Emotional Me

Emotions are about _____% of our non-v___________ communication.

Emotions on our i________ are supposed match up with the emotions on our outside. 

Emotions are best understood when we know how they c___________ our thoughts.

Emotions became a part of us when we were b_____.

  There are 2 parts of our  n__________ system

Parasy___________ wants to go slow like the turtle.

Uses t______________processes to s______ everything down. 

S_________________ wants to go f_______ like the hare.

Assesses d___________ quickly and chooses fight or f____________.

These 2 systems connect around the age of ___.

Before 3 years old, the s________________system was in charge of keeping us s_____.

And so, as a parent, you are their paras_____________ system - being thoughtful and 

c______which helps to calm their  b_________.

Us...and Kids Communications Program 

Module 3:  Listen to Me!

Workbook

A_______ listening takes: emotional e________. 

Requires you hold your thoughts and f________ in balance. 

This means keeping the H____ from going too fast or hiding. 

Slow down until your thoughts and emotions are back in c_____________. 

Regulating your e_____________ while being able to absorb what i________________ the speaker may have. 

The Key to Listening is going slower, s _ o _ e _  ….:) Hearing a_______________. 

We only absorb about ___% of what we hear. 

So, for clarity:  Say what y____ heard b_____to them.  

As they repeat, l_______ for the k___ components.

Eg:  Couple conversation about money and job-promotions.

They heard the e___________energy and gave that e_____________ energy back. 

Successful ways of Listening

1. Receive information as i____________ - Do not read the emotion part of it just yet. 
2. Appreciate the energy and c__________ it takes for someone to tell you that information. 
3. S___________what you heard.  
4. Ask for cl______________.

Us...and Kids Communications Course

Module 4 - Speaking Clearly

Workbook

Review:)

D = Define your d_______.

N = Necessary s_______ to meet that desire

A = A______ that skill appropriately 

Makes for a U______ relationship that is 

F = F_____________ or satisfying

U = U____________ in experiences and options

N = Naturally g______!

Define Speaking: W_______  that come out of our m_________.

Those words influence our b____________ and emotions. 

Pronouns Matter:  Use I.   Skip the y___!

“You” makes the listeners' brains a_________.

Then the p___________-solving area slows down.

“I” help others o_____ their choices.

Be careful with these words:

Always leads to all or n____________.

N_________

Should generates s_______. 

Use these words: 

Sometimes

M_______

I  would r________

O_________

And - not b_____.

“ And”  promotes a sense of t____________ and security.

The Truth.  Not exaggeration or d_______.

With k__________.

Truth in l_____ keeps the connections t___________.

Think (about the Desired) O__________and then 

choose your w_______.

For absorbing 1 negative we need ____  positives!

Examples of positives are:  (list some:)

Yeah!  Good for you!  Thank you!  Way to go!  Good job!  I appreciate, noticed

Us...and Kids Communications Program

Course 1 Module 5 

  Touch that Matters!

 This last core skill is about Touch that Matters!

It is tightly connected to module 1: Connections that M_______.

Touch tells us if we are s_____. 

Touch covers every i______ of our body and thus impacts all areas:

Em_________,  psychological, in__________, relational

The hormone connected with t________ is oxytocin.

We absorb all sorts of touch - k____ or not. 

Kind touch helps brains stay c_____.

Kind touch matters for y____ and your spouse/partner. 

Kind touch means that you will need e__________regulation. 

Keep your heart c______ so that it can be kind. 

We have a perpetual n_______ for touch. 

Bob and Mary Story:  Your own notes:)

Pulling it all together: Add the arrows.

Connections

Speak Clearly Touch   Managing Emotions

Listen

Define your desired outcomes

Necessary Skills help achieve those desires.

Apply them appropriately for the age and situation

      For a 

Fulfilling and satisfying;

Unlimited in conversations and experiences

Naturally good and enjoyable life 

of being married forever while parenting together!!! 

Us...and Kids Communications Program

Module 6 - Honor, Protect and Equip!

Workbook

Honoring, Protecting and Equipping yourself and others 

Part 1:  Honor Defined:  To hold someone in high e_______ or regard. 

Usually you feel very s_____ with them. 

You v_____ their character and their p_____________. 

They add strength and c________ to your life. 

We carry forward t______ from others that are precious to us. 

The Honor-Dance!  (Cue the music!)

Honor --- Trust ----Encouragement ---

--H_____---T_____----E_____________

On Repeat Forever!

Trustworthiness builds space to be our b____  selves.

How to display Honor: 

Part 2:  Protect Defined:  To be sure “it” does not become h_________.  

This includes protection in these areas: physical, e___________, 

spiritual, m_______and social. 

We protect things that have v_______ to us. 

Ways to protect:

1 - Tell the t______. 

2 - Use the “I” word. Not the “y___” word. 

3 - Be o_____ and f________.

4 - Give p_________ time. 

5 - Pay a_________. 

6 - Be g_______.

7 - Pay attention to the l_____ haul.

(What’s your “Defined Desire?)

8 - Demonstrate care and c__________.

9 - Do not let ugly r_____________ grow. 

10 - Put away put-d_______ and ugly names. 

Elements of Protection:

1 - V__________

2 - Love and c_______

Part 3:  Equipping Defined:  To provide something that is needed for a 

      particular purpose.  

It might include t________ a skill. 

Helping someone so that the task is more p_________ or 

p________.

When to equip:

1 - When we think they can do the t____. 

2 - When we are willing to take the r____ with them.

3 - When we want to show them we v_____ them.

4 - When we want to b____ more with them. 

5 - When the relationship is s______ enough even if the task doesn’t go so well. 

What does it take to equip?

Us...and Kids Communication Program

Module 7:  The Benefit of the Doubt

Workbook

Today:  BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

Define:  A generous way to see the b_______ in others. 

  It uses h_________ to lift someone up to a higher esteem.

 Believe the g_______when you have the p________________ to believe the bad. 

 Gives room for d________ when we don’t have all the information. 

Low or broken connections messes with Benefit of the Doubt.

Perception is:  The world is un_________ or inherently dangerous

How and when to move to a better space?

Move to BOD: When the “unsafe person(s)” have m__________ away from poor behaviors

  Stay safe:  When they are m_____________, playing & teasing you. 

When there is not g________ trust.

Gain Coping skills and safety around yourself means

Mom and Dad are the cheer-leaders of the family. 

You get to lead as you s______  how to be grateful and kind. 

Lead the kids into good spaces of c_______________.

Bedtime: Stressful for kids - low l___________ skills, lots of fears and confusion.

They are n____ trying to make you angry. 

They are t________ to move into a space for s_________. 

Give them BOD through p________, time, s___________ down.

With your spouse:  

Get the facts by a___________ both language and emotions. 

Setting aside your own a___________.

Us...and Kids Communications Course

Module 8 -- Turning Towards

     Workbook

TWO Elements:

Part 1:The Bid or Invitation

You will need:

P__________ Courage to stay connected

Soft _______

Able to change p___________

Able to a________ another person’s perspective.

Often looks or sounds like a q____________

Part 2:  Ingredients for Turning Towards: this is a decision to accept or reject the invitation. 

1 - E___________ Control to lower disdain and weariness.

Say “y___” to the adults and kiddos.  It builds soft hearts and cooperation.

Use eye c________, touch, tone and words of a_____________

These build emotional connections that build t______and c________. 

2 - Listen Accurately

Turning towards b______ collaboration.

Makes room for taking r________________ 

C____________ and care builds a good team. 

Remember that the c_____ of an invitation or bid is : 

   Do you l_____ me?

  Are we in it together?

This invitation can be h___________ in a request for physical or emotional help.