Learn, Explore and Practice Together!
So many good ideas of what to
think and talk about.
Take a look and remember
to pick and choose what interests you!
These are excerpts, not the complete L.E.P. Sheets.
Module 1: Connections that Matter!
Us..and Kids Communications Program
Learn, Explore, and Practice
Connections that Matter!
1 - You and your family:
What are some actions and thoughts that keep you close to your spouse or kids?
Spouse:
Kids:
What are some actions or thoughts that have made some distance between you and your spouse or kids?
Spouse:
Kids:
Finish this sentence: I am or have been most connected to my spouse when ……..
A fulfilling or satisfying marriage is/would be…..
A fulfilling or satisfying homelife with the kids is/would be……
My Desire for my marriage is……. (How would you like to describe your marriage in 6 months, 1 year and 10 years from now?)
Right now:
3 Months:
6 Months:
1 Year:
5 years:
My Desires for my relationship with my kids are:
Right now:
6 months:
1 year:
5 years:
15 years from now is that……..
*****Do Not Answer these quickly - think, jot down notes, listen to your heart and mind. Think about them when you are mostly, kind-of awake:)
2 - Influence and Attachment
1 - Who has positively influenced your life and how/why?
Why or what did they do that had this impact?
- Write about a time when you have positively influenced your spouse.
How did it impact your relationship?
How did it impact your feelings and connections with your spouse?
Write about some times when you positively influenced your kids. How did that influence your relationship with them?
When you and your partner/spouse are nicely attached (those hormones are working well) what happens to the energy in the household?
Module 2: Managing the Emotional Me
Us...and Kids Communications Program
Module 2 - Managing the Emotional Me!
Learn, Explore and Practice!
Looking - at where you are:
What are your best emotional traits? - Patience? Kindness? Empathy?
What emotional traits are your “not best”? (They might bring on shame or embarrassment?
Given your above answers: What do you want your emotional self to be like by the end of this course?
You can break this down by thinking about what emotions you want feel more or less: Name them:
More:____________________________________________
Less________________________________________________
What emotions do you want to show ...More______________________________________
Less_________________________________________
Now, what internal emotions do you need to create the emotions that you want others to experience from you? (eg: I need more internal calm for others to enjoy more joy from me.)
Tortoise and the Hare
Which part of your brain works first? - Your parasympathetic - tortoise, “Let me think, please” or your sympathetic - “Hare I go feeling and goin’ fast!”
When does your “hare” blow your lid off?________________________________
Module 3: Listening Accurately
Us..and Kids Communications Program
Module 3: Learning to Listen
Learn, Explore and Practice
N: Necessary Skills: So far we have talked about 3 skills:
Write 3 key ideas from each of the skills so far: (Look back in the notes if you want)
Connections that Matter:
1.
2.
3.
Managing the Emotional Me
1.
2.
3.
Learning to Listen
1.
2.
3.
◯…..Now circle the skill (or idea from a skill) that has worked best for you.
✔...And put a check mark by the skill or idea that you are ready to work on next.
What other thoughts and wishes (desires) are floating around in your heart and mind?
What of the above skills can help those desires become closer to a reality?
Learning to Listen
Define listening:
What about this definition is tricky for you? (like - how do you do that? Or, who does that??? That’s not possible…..)
Notice - and then take notes - about how your body “talks” when you are speaking - (ie Eyebrows move? Hand gestures? Foot-tapping?)
Ask someone around you what they notice when you are talking?
What about your body language distracts them from your words?
What about your body language draws them into your words?
Now, ask them the same questions back.
Remember that you are going for INFORMATION - not accusation or criticism. Just Information:)
When you are struggling to listen (absorb accurately) which character is out of sync:
Hare (emotions) are going too fast??
Tortoise just wants to stop and think?? - a lot.
Module 4: Speaking Clearly
Us...and Kids Communication Course
Module 4 - Speaking Clearly
Learn, Explore and Practice!
The definition of speaking was: Words that come out of our mouth. Those words influence our
our behaviors and emotions.
Fill in the chart below - these words (from any age-point) can have positive or negative influence
|
Words others have said |
How they influenced my behavior |
How they influenced my emotions |
When someone uses the “wrong/banned” word - how will you both reset to
the agreed upon word or phrase?
Rate yourself on this scale: Use G for Gentleness and R for Respectfulness
Low _________________________________________________High
What attitudes, emotions or thoughts would you change/adjust to make your ratings better (and thus achieve your Desired Outcome?)
Use this chart for the full next week - Put +/- marks by each person as you deposit or withdraw from their account. Take notes about situations, time of day, other things that tip you over.
(The chart does not fit on this page so was not included in this example. )
Module 5: Touch that Matters
Us...and Kids Communications Program
Module 5: Touch that Matters
Learn, Explore, Practice
First - the Review:
1 - What did you Desire in the first module and how has it changed as
you learned the other skills?
2 - What skill is hardest for you to grasp or use?
What questions or confusion do you have?
Touch that Matters within your Relationships:
How would you change your use of touch to improve your relationship?
How would you change your use of touch to improve your parenting?
If you are healing from abusive or cruel touch in the past:
Write a few sentences here to communicate that to your spouse.
How or what would you ask your spouse to do (with regard to touching)
Let’s connect Touch with the other modules:
- Connections that Matter:
Where/with whom have you had good influence?
Why was it good?
Tell when the hormones and attachment worked well:
Note how touch played a role in that memory.
Module 6: Honor, Protect and Equip
Us...and Kids Communications Program
Honor, Protect and Equip
Module 6
Learn, Practice and Explore!
Rate from 1 (low) to 10 (high) how you are doing with each skill:)
Note on each line the events or situations that come to mind.
1 - Connections that Matter:
Positive Influencing
1------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10
(There are rating lines for each module so far)
To improve your honoring skills: Circle the skills you use easily.
Cross out the skills you don’t like and put down a word/skill that you would like to use instead.
Interrupting Going slow Kind priorities
Compassion Fright Lying
Cruelness Emotional Control Appreciation
Respect Distance Safety
Sacrificial Reasonable Considerate
Share your word choices and re-writes of the preferred word with your spouse.
Make a plan (based on your Desired Relationship) for how to grow and use honor more often and when things are tense.
Plan is:
What of your personality, beliefs or emotions do you protect from others?
How do you protect them?
What experiences or beliefs do you have that say protecting them is your wisest choice?
Module 7: Giving Benefit of the Doubt
Us...Kids Communications Program
Benefit of the Doubt
Learn, Explore and Practice
Review, of course - with a fun chart!
As you worked through each module so far:
What have Desires/Outcomes have you decided on? Fill them in.
Note when you have used the listed skill - with whom and why.
Note how well the skills worked well together
What questions or next steps you want to take.
BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT:
There are 4 sentences about BOD that we used -
Which way do you find it easiest to use the BOD (per 1 of the above choices) - and why?
Which of the above choices do you NOT like - and why?
When do you think it is wise to give BOD to a child?
What are your criteria?
Who has lied to you in the past?
Why and when has it been wise to share BOD with them?
et’s talk about Perception of your world. -
Use a word or 2 from below or your own words - and then explain why you choose that word.
Word Choices might be: safe, expensive or expansive, adventuresome, dangerous, risky, boring, non-connective, boring…
So, as you can see - Benefit of the Doubt within your self is important.
As you grow in your own self-confidence, you can give that to your kids.
Work through this one last chart - thinking about each kiddo in your house.
I suggest each parent does their own chart.
Module 8: Turning Towards brings Great Rewards!
us...and Kids Communications Program
Module 8: Turning Towards
Learn, Explore and Practice!
It has 2 parts:
Part 1 is the Bid or Invitation.
We send bids because we want emotional connection.
We want more vulnerability and confirmation that we are safe and OK together.
When do you notice that you are wanting the above connections?
Part 2 is Turning Towards
It has a choice to accept the bid or reject it.
Based on the above list of Invitations - Which invitations do you (want to) reject?
What situations in your life need some collaboration and compassion now?
1.
2.
3.
What skills will you use to stay Towards the other as you figure out a
good relationship and practical solution?
Go back to your notes from Managing the Emotional Me:
What triggers and skills do you want to brush up on or keep handy to use when trying to Turn Towards.
Accepting invitations can be a bit scary.
Which of these emotions are you hesitant to show or share? Mark it with your initial.
